


Borrowed Time

by whereismygarden



Series: Reflections universe [7]
Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Episode Tag, F/F, POV Multiple, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:35:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4294434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereismygarden/pseuds/whereismygarden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Priorities require sacrifices. An episode tag for "Twin Destinies."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Borrowed Time

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Reflections](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3332774) by [Potboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potboy/pseuds/Potboy). 



> The long-in-the-works episode tag for "Twin Destinies." Not sure how it is. Enjoy :)
> 
> POV sections are alt!Evelyn, alt!Nicola, and then main timeline!Evelyn.

                This was so far Evelyn’s least favorite senior staff meeting of the week, even with Elly’s hopeful new plan for dialing Earth. Davina, her hair trimmed and knotted back, seemed determined to fight with Nicola, and the rest of the science team was downtrodden about the state of the ship. Two days of repairs had done them precious little good, it seemed. Davina and Nicola were still screaming at each other: considering that under normal circumstances, neither of them were inclined to shouting when they could be sly, this was monumental.

                “They are just being defeatist!” Nicola yelled, taking in Telford and her team with a sweep of her arm. Wray folded his arms.

                “It’s a good thing this choice isn’t being left up to you, isn’t it?” Telford said, low and assured. Nicola whirled on her.

                “Thankfully, it’s not your bloody choice to make, either!”

                “Rush!” She hated to shout at Nicola, but she was going to work herself into a rage and then nothing would be done. Nicola reined herself in, closing down, folding her arms.

                “You said you understood,” she said, voice neutral with a hint of anger, and no indication that she had anything other than a professional investment in Evelyn’s understanding.

                “You know that my first responsibility is to keep everyone on this ship safe,” she replied. That was a logical response, the height of utility with regards to human life, but Nicola just grimaced, muttered ‘yeah, right,’ under her breath, and stalked out of the room.

                Nicola came back to find Evelyn, Wray, and Telford sequestered in Evelyn’s quarters, waiting for her. She looked sad, for some reason.

                “Elly says she’s accounted for the unpredictability of dialing within a star,” Wray said, in his most placatory manner. Nicola was not in the mood, apparently, and snapped her eyes over to him.

                “And when did you get your degree in astrophysics?” she bit out. “Dr. Volker will tell you, just as Dr. Carter or anyone at the SGC will tell you, that while a brilliant model for harnessing solar power, Elly’s plan is not safe for use by Destiny, inside a star.”

                “You know she’s insane, right?” Davina said, jerking her head at Nicola. Evelyn held her hand up, not wanting to see where that line of insults went, but Nicola didn’t let it pass.

                “For someone recently discovered to be a traitor and who spent a few weeks using a device that no doubt altered your brain, you’re very confident about evaluating other people’s mental states.” She paused to exchange glares with Telford, then turned to Evelyn. She _was_ sad.

                “I want to speak to the crew,” she said, quietly, with less of her usual biting aggression.

                “What for?” Evelyn asked.

                “You have to go: I have to stay. I need volunteers, to help me maintain the ship.”

                Oh, god. This was why she was sad, why she was speaking softly. Because she had no intention of going back to Earth. Evelyn’s heart clenched cold and painful at the thought of her, alone on Destiny with dwindling resources and only the communication stones when she needed help.

                “No one will agree to that,” Davina scoffed, and Evelyn cut her a hard look.

                “You can speak to them when we explain that we’re going to attempt a dial,” she said, trying to keep the hoarseness out of her throat. Nicola nodded, played with the ends of her hair for a moment.

                “It would be helpful if you would,” she paused, and maybe her voice was a little thicker than usual, “if you would stand beside me.” Her dark eyes were resolute, and pleading, and Evelyn wanted to dial Earth and drag her through the gate. But she would never forgive Evelyn for it, and it wasn’t something she would do anyway.

                “Yeah,” she said, unable to get more out, and Nicola nodded to her, and turned and left. Evelyn composed herself, forcibly, in the moment she had to shut the door.

                “You can’t be serious,” Davina said, and Evelyn caught a flash of understanding in Wray’s eyes as he tilted his head.

                “Oh, I think she is,” he said quietly, and managed to get Davina out of the room so she could have a goddamn minute to truly calm down.

~

                She woke with the scraping, bell-like sound of Destiny’s FTL drives powering down. Well. No time to waste. She had her paper, and the more time people had to think over this, the better.

                The entire crew was on its way to the gateroom, chattering excitedly, in high spirits.

                Evelyn was standing in front of the gate, holding Bryce, who was sucking on his fist, and talking to Lieutenant Johansen. She passed the boy to his father, and TJ, with his usual considerable tact, walked off to leave them alone.

                “Are you sure you want to do this?” Evelyn asked, in her gentlest, most pained voice, and put her hand on Nicola’s arm. The warm, familiar comfort of it was too much, and she jerked away. She was never getting that again. “Please come back with us. With me.”

                “Yes,” she said. “I’m sure. Don’t ask me to come back with you, please.” Evelyn’s hazel eyes were overbright, and she looked away, down.

                “That’s hard to do,” she said. “I’m going to miss you.” God, the crack in her voice—Nicola felt her throat clench up, and she swallowed, twice.

                “You’re going to raise your son,” she corrected, and Evelyn nodded, closing her eyes as if that would hide the few tears that were sliding down her cheeks. Nicola resisted the urge to brush them away for her. If she had learned anything at in her life, it was that love led to loss, and this wasn’t a surprise, just loss earlier than she had wanted.

                “How many people do you need?” Evelyn asked, voice mercifully steadier. Nicola had never heard her really cry, and she didn’t want to now, even if there was some masochistic part of her that wanted to acquire as many memories of her as possible.

                “A dozen,” she said.

                “Okay.”

                The crew was arranged in the gateroom, Riley and Elly next to the gate. She forced back the agony throttling her at the sight of TJ holding Bryce, of Evelyn next to her, but not with her.

                “As you all know, I seriously disapprove of the plan to dial Earth,” she said. “That said, despite its considerable risk, I cannot stop it from being implemented. I will not leaving Destiny: I believe we are meant to be here, to carry out the mission of the Ancients. I cannot maintain the ship on my own: I am asking for eleven people to stay behind with me, who also believe in the mission.” She looked over at Evelyn, who stepped forward.

                “I am going on to Earth,” she said. “However, I have no official position on whether or not any of you stay or go. None of the military personnel have either orders or expectations from me. You are free to choose. That is all.” It wasn’t a stirring speech encouraging volunteers, but Evelyn wouldn’t do that when she couldn’t stay herself. It was something, and from the crowd, Cole stepped forward slowly. Nicola smiled at him, relieved: not her first choice, but the lad was smart and capable. Lieutenant Scott and Sergeant Greer were almost inevitable after that. Dr. Volker. Lieutenant James. Varro. Ginn.

                “We’re staying!” Elly and Riley looked like they’d had a whispered conference over the past thirty seconds. Brody and Park avoided her eyes. Well. She had four military personnel, and two scientists: Cole and Elly sort of came out to one. Two Lucian Alliance. Varro was a wild card, not sweet and small like Ginn. Well, James was more than her match, and James didn’t like her. No one else stepped forward.

                “Well, you don’t have your dozen,” Telford said sharply. Cole cut across her.

                “We’ll manage,” he said.

                “Let it go, Davina,” Evelyn said.

                “We need to start the dial soon,” Elly said. The orange glow and heat of the approaching star had been steadily increasing. Nicola nodded to everyone who’d agreed to come, then hurried over to the console with the dialing program. Power levels were a little unsteady, but almost high enough. Destiny’s conduits were holding.

                Her small team was being bid goodbye by the rest of the crew: Wray was giving Elly a hug that looked downright uncomfortable.

                “All right, line up. We’re going two by two after we dial, count off two seconds after I go and after every pair. Don’t run, you’re going to be accelerated through the gate. Cheyenne Mountain is waiting equipped.”

                “We’re almost ready to go,” Elly said, and Nicola felt Evelyn come up next to her side, presence quiet and overwhelming as always.

                “Please come back with me,” she said, voice breaking. Nicola wiped away a sudden rush of tears to her eyes. God, she didn’t want to look at Evelyn as she cried. She made herself turn towards her, press her face into her neck and shoulder, look at her teary face.

                “I love you, Evelyn,” she said. “Go home.”

                The sound of the gate connecting shocked her out of her pain for a second. Telford was already moving.

                “Count of two,” she snapped, and went. The gate flickered.

                “Shit!”

                “What’s going on?”

                “NO ONE GO THROUGH THE GATE,” Elly screamed, projecting over the chatter and the sound of the gate. “The wormhole is unstable.” Damn it. The power relays were fused, and the amount of energy going through them was wildly variant: between twenty and a hundred twenty percent capacity from second to second.

                “I said this would happen,” she snarled, desperately searching for a way to stop the power transfer. Not at the collectors, not at the gate, nowhere in between: every conduit between was live and overloaded.

                “This is bad, we’re frying our transformers. The whole ship is going to be irreparably damaged,” Brody said.

                “The whole ship could bloody well explode,” Nicola snapped, watching an arc of current crackle lazily over the gate.

                “I don’t understand,” Elly was gasping. Of course she didn’t: conditions had been worse than the worst of the simulations, and Telford had forced it through anyway.

                “Rush, what’s our safety on the ship?” Evelyn said urgently.

                “Everyone needs to go through the gate now,” she said. “Navigation is fucked to hell, the power conduits in the FTL drives have been co-opted and fused, so no real travel.”

                “Go!” Evelyn shouted, and Nicola tracked her eyes watching TJ and Bryce hurtle through among the first. The crew was shoving, and she poured her concentration into making sure the gate power was as steady as possible. Elly and Riley left the station, and she saw Greer and Brody go through the gate from the corner of her eye.

                Then it was just her and Evelyn.

                “Nicola, what are you waiting for?” she shouted, backing towards the gate. She was glad for the heat and wind in the gateroom as life support gave a last gasp of ventilation, because it was clearing the tears out of her vision.

                “I have to be here to keep the gate open,” she said, as calmly as possible while adjusting power flow with half-broken controls. “And I can’t for too long, so you need to go.”

                “Nicola!”

                “Go!” she screamed, and watched as Evelyn looked up, as if appealing to God, then back at her, stumbling towards the gate. Then she was through, and she took her hands from the console, staggering and slumping down as the wormhole flickered out. The console sparked, and an overheated piece of metal caught her across the cheek.

                She stayed there, until the air from the vents tasted too metallic and fiery, aggravating the throbbing in her face. They were through the star. She should tell someone. She wanted to see Evelyn.

                The face in the mirror at Homeworld Command was Davina: back in DC already, from Cheyenne Mountain?

                “I’m Dr. Nicola Rush,” she said, standing up and opening the door. Maybe they all were back. “How many people made it through?”

                “What do you mean?” The other person in the stones room followed her out.

                “Did the whole crew get through the gate?” The young officer gave her a slow shake of the head, and she felt something clench and turn cold in her stomach.

                “I’m sorry, doctor. Colonel Telford was the only one who came through. She came from Colorado a few hours ago, wanting to figure out what had happened.”

                “Well, the dial was unsuccessful and the entire crew is dead,” she said. The smell and light of this hallway was unbearable, and she ended the connection with a sweep of her hand across the stones receiver. Telford had been standing in front of the gate, and the air was even worse. She turned away. Evelyn. Bryce. Elly. Cole. Everyone. Dead, disintegrated in an unstable wormhole.

                She stopped at the control interface room, finding that most of the structure of the ship was fine: many components were intact. But not enough. Not the ones she could have repaired in time. Destiny was in a decaying orbit around the star, and…and according to the information coming through the sensors, solar winds were about exactly as they had been on their approach. Down to a hundred of a percentage point.

                Or there had been a time event inside the star, as could happen, and they had gone back through time. In which case Destiny hadn’t even arrived yet. She climbed into the shuttle, heading around the star and towards the area in space from whence they had come.

                The sight of Destiny, whole and well, made her ache even more. They weren’t answering her transmission, but she knew they could receive.

                “This is Dr. Nicola Rush, calling the Destiny. Please respond.”

                “This is Nicola Rush, on the Destiny.” Her own voice sounded strange over the radio.

                “I need assistance to dock the shuttle with Destiny.”

                “I just spoke with Dr. Rush.” Evelyn’s voice was like a punch in the stomach. She was alive, but she was dead.

                “I heard,” she said, trying to stay calm. “Under no circumstances dial from within the star, Elly’s plan isn’t going to work.”

                Lieutenant Scott’s earnest, careful voice talked her through the docking procedure, and she felt trepidation and relief swirl in the pit of her stomach as the clamps and seal engaged, and she was within Destiny’s shields. She got to her feet, heading to the opening shuttle doors.

                There were four people standing outside the shuttle, but she only registered Telford, her hateful, irritated expression on her face, and Evelyn, quiet and a bit confused and wonderfully alive.

                Anger won, and she leapt at Telford, striking the colonel across the face and going for her throat. Surprised, Telford ended up stumbling to the floor with her, but then Sergeant Greer was hauling her back.

                “You _bitch_ ,” she said, half-choking on another sudden run of tears. “This is all your fault.”

                “Dr. Rush, calm down,” Greer was saying, her slow, deliberate voice a contrast to her tight grip on her waist and shoulder. Telford was getting to her feet, looking pissed.

                “Nicola,” Evelyn’s voice distracted her, and she turned away, to see Evelyn, and _herself_ standing next to her. The other Rush seemed amused, a smile playing around her mouth. “Let’s talk in the infirmary.”

                She couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around Evelyn, burying her face in the crook of her shoulder, and Evelyn hugged back, a little hesitantly. The other Rush narrowed her eyes at her when she pulled away.

                TJ was alive and well in the infirmary, pulling open a leaf of alien aloe and swabbing it over her burned cheek. The sight of him was another small shock.

                “Tell us what happened,” Evelyn said, and she did, with no more than the interruptions she expected from herself. TJ looked disturbed at the tale, and trying to hide it. Telford and Evelyn were unreadable behind their masks of colonel. Evelyn was holding Bryce: Riley had been watching over him for his nap, apparently, but he needed feeding. Evelyn always looked half-preoccupied then.

                “How do we know you’re not lying, and no one made it through?” Telford asked. She hadn’t talked about what had happened after the gate closed.

                “Oh, someone made it through,” she said, and Telford got it about a second later, face turning intrigued and a little frightened. Well, she didn’t like the sight of the other Nicola: the Nicola from this Destiny’s main timeline, without a burn, who had spent last night in Evelyn’s bed, who was the _real_ version of her. Telford didn’t trust herself, maybe.

                “Well, now we know that I was right all along, and it would be catastrophic to dial inside the star. And we have a new crew member.” Other Rush gave her an appraising look, and she narrowed her eyes. This other, younger Nicola’s attitude was grating.

                “Maybe you should go break the news to Elly,” she said, and the other her shrugged.

                “Well, I’ll look forward to our conversations,” she said lightly, and left the infirmary.

                “I need to use the stones,” Telford said abruptly. Evelyn shrugged a little, as if to say that she could do what she liked. TJ gave her a half-pitying, half-nervous look, and went over to one of his benches, to scrape out the remainder of the leaf. Nicola couldn’t stop herself from sitting down next to Evelyn, putting her head on her shoulder.

                She had nothing to say, but luckily Evelyn didn’t seem to require her to speak.

                The bridge wasn’t horrible, but she could feel other Rush’s glares pricking her back, and when she turned to glare back, Nicola flicked her eyes over to Evelyn and gave her a meaningful stare. That, and her seat in her favorite station on the bridge, couldn’t make the message _“Mine”_ any clearer. Evelyn and Destiny were hers. And once someone saw the burn on her face, they all fell in line.

                The idea of salvage from Destiny was a good idea: dialing the gate slightly less so, but the other her and Riley went straight to making sure they could dial back, and Brody, having recovered and rebraided her hair after her thoughtless sprint through the ship, led a complement of Air Force soldiers with sacks through the engineering sections, pointing out fused conduits and relays and bypassing them for intact supplies.

                The air had cleared somewhat, and she ended up with herself and Telford, her two least favorites, going through the shield arrays. Completely ruined, and the shields were failing fast.

                What wasn’t ruined, at least not fully, was the weapons array. There was some current going through the power conduits, but if they could switch it off… It would bolster their firing capacity, give them an edge.

                “Brody has the tools,” the other her said, and was racing away without another word, leaving her and Telford to wait and inspect the relay. It looked at least seventy percent salvageable, and she bit back a smile of triumph.

                “I know how much you want to stay on Destiny,” Telford said abruptly, her dark eyes cold and angry. “It must have been tempting, knowing you could shut down the dial like you did when I wanted to dial out.” Nicola turned.

                “What?” she snarled.

                “Of course, I don’t think you’d intentionally kill the whole crew, that must have been an error.”

                “I did not,” she said. Telford got in her face.

                “Right. Because you’ve never told a lie like this before.” She shoved a stiff finger into her chest. Nicola saw red.

                “Don’t touch me!” she snapped, shoving her back, hard.

                Into the live relay.

                Telford was shaking, no breath, eyes open, a scent like burning cloth coming from the relay.

                Nicola stepped back.

                She couldn’t wait here. She couldn’t go back to the gate. Where would she go on Destiny? The other Rush wouldn’t share her life.

                This Destiny was falling into a star. There was one other survivor, so to speak. She made up her mind. The energy from the star, and the mainframe…might be enough. She turned and started running.

                The other Nicola found her, setting the parameters on the chair. She finally looked distressed: she wouldn't share her life, but she didn't want to end hers either.

                “Are you sure you want to do this?”

                “My crew are all dead. I have no place on yours.” The chair was almost ready. This was her only chance. “Destiny is about to fall into the sun. Even with everything we’ve scavenged gone, there are fused conduits from the collectors. They’ll provide me with enough power to access the whole data bank at once, light up my brain and give me a shot. Franklin too.”

                “Ever onward,” the other her said, something like understanding in her eyes. “Flesh or spirit.”

                She sat down, feeling the click of the restraints snapping over her wrists. There was nothing to stop her from staying with Destiny, looking after Evelyn and the crew, if she succeeded.

                “Go enjoy both,” she said, and meant it. Nicola backed out of the room, and the door screeched close. It was becoming very cold, and she felt the broad electrodes press against her temples. Her vision was going in a haze of blue and burning cold white light.

~

                Nicola and the rest of the team came through the gate just seconds before the shields were projected to fail, kino sleds and sacks and flats full of seeds and food and lime and hardware shoved ahead of them.

                “Cut it close there,” Evelyn commented, narrowing her eyes. “Wait, where are Telford and the other Rush?” Scott and Nicola were gasping like they’d been sprinting. Had the other two not made it? Her heart clenched. “Everyone, clear the gate ramp!” Scott was shaking her head.

                “Telford and the other Rush had an altercation and there was an accident,” she said softly, drawing up close to Evelyn. “We found Telford, but it seemed like Rush wanted to go down with the ship, if she was still alive.”

                The other Destiny was falling into the star right now. God.

                She wondered how the other her had felt, leaving Nicola behind. She had looked devastated in the infirmary, in every second she spent on Destiny. Well, it didn’t matter, because she and the rest of the crew had died in transit. She settled Bryce against her shoulder and walked over to where Nicola was sitting, braced against a pile of ship parts.

                “Hey,” she said, settling down next to her. Nicola, surprisingly, took Bryce, who looked sleepily up at her as she traced her finger down his cheek.

                “I let her go,” she said quietly. “She might have lived. But I let her go.” She looked troubled. Evelyn didn’t want to hear about whatever else had influenced Nicola’s choice.

                “Apparently I let you go,” Evelyn said. “Or rather, you let me go.” Nicola ducked her head and grimaced.

                “I’m glad it didn’t come to that this time,” she said roughly. “I don’t want to lose you. I saw her, after she lost you.” Evelyn tucked her arm around Nicola’s shoulders, trying not to think about her dying in an overheating ship, and not really succeeding. Trying not to think about Nicola choosing Destiny over her, even if the choice had been taken away.

                “You know you’re kind of terrifying, right?” she said softly. Seeing Nicola in full force wasn’t a common occurrence any more, and the reminder of how all-consuming her devotion to the mission, to Destiny, to going forward, was, was a lot to handle. The look in her eyes when she’d asked for Evelyn’s support had been blazing with purpose, layered over with anger to cover pain.

                “Too terrifying?” she asked, turning her head and giving Evelyn the full force of her dark eyes. Just a few days ago, she’d said _I think I love you_ and then she had refused to come with them. And if she hadn’t been her unbalanced, terrifying self in every timeline, they’d have had no warning.

                “Just the right amount of terrifying,” she said, remembering the other Nicola’s head resting on her shoulder. Sacrifice was a habit she’d fallen out of since Bryce, but that was what it must have been, for the lost them. Sacrifice for and of each other. Nicola’s whole body relaxed at her words, and she went back to stroking Bryce’s curls with a pensive expression.

                She stood up, picking up a box of seedlings. Park would be happy about these. Brody was already sorting through her boxes, a cluster of annoyed looking marines holding some of them around her. She took another two boxes of seedlings and headed for hydroponics, leaving Scott to organize the ammo. They would need everything they’d taken, even if it did give them a little space to breathe. They were living on luck and time stolen from their other selves, as always.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope Nicola and Dr. Franklin Ascended.
> 
> Title officially from the line "This whole party is rolling on borrowed time" from the Vienna Teng song "White Light," because I'm still playing that game.


End file.
